JCVD

Slothrop was sure this was going to be his new best-movie-of-all-time but, truth is, nothing will ever top Bloodsport. Or Death Warrant. Slothrop loves this man. He really does. However, take out the hour this movie spends on some plot or other, mostly in the service of deliberately denying you the pleasure of seeing what you came for, and instead give JCVD some champagne, let him tell  you about life, and you've got yourself millions of atheists finally believing in something spectacularly Belgian. 

Koko: Yeah, I can't wait until he turns sixty and starts getting roles in C-level movies as my sword-wielding Belgian grandfather. JCVD finally discovered the Alice in Wonderland paradox of aging martial arts stars: the more ridiculous they are, the more magnificent their performances. He can only improve! Surely his magnum opus will be Jean-Claude Van Damme in a Wheelchair vs. the Inconvenient Cloud:

Tickets on sale, God willing, sometime before I die.