Sunday, July 15, 2012

Magic Mike

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It takes some short-cuts, sure. And takes some wild liberties with reality for the sake of the mirage, e.g. all the women at the strip club are approximately 21, which might be 30 years generous, and the gents have pretty sweet abs but don't spend much time on the treadmill and you know, Tampa isn't a blazing hell-hole. But, holy shit. First of all, Matthew McConaughey has pretty much won himself the helping-buddy oscar, finally putting those gleaming abs to some good use. And, fine, I'd fuck Channing Taters. I'm a man; if you cut me, I bleed. And there's a baby mini Gorgonzala walking around! But the mix of the hedonistic with it's shadowy comedown is brilliantly balanced throughout: we're high, we're low, we're young, we drown in our own vomit, what does tomorrow hold? I loved all of it, especially the scene with the fiance exposed and Chanings "Ok. Ok. It is what it is"; the leading lady Cody Horn who through her Feminist Beautiful Eyes showed Magic that Miami is never the answer; and every scene with Gorgonzala! Definitely makes my end of the year top 5 and has given me a good idea about how to handle all those grad-school loans. A-

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Monday, June 4, 2012

Friday Night Lights: Season 4

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Seaon 4, in which Tim Riggins becomes a martyr & saint. The sweetness of the thought, and its improbibility says pretty much everything. Side-note: for those who remember Vince's character in The Wire, notice how very different his fate is on network tv. B-

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Untitled

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Lone Star was such a baggy monster of hisctorical decon... err, gravedigging, it almost made me want to write an academic paper about it. But since I'd rather not, it's like The Descendants, excpet it had Chris Cooper instead of George Clooney as the main lead. Make of that what you must. B+

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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Human Planet

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The whole thing is worth it just for the Jungles episode alone, in which a guy climbs a tree much taller than you'd prefer, only to stick his hand inside a bee's hive up on the top branch, all so that his family could enjoy some honey. I shit you not. At times I got to thinking "Am I really part of the same species? How come I've never stolen raw meat from a pride of lions?" A-

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Avengers

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The Avengers priviliges the technological over the humane in every single frame of its pornographic existence, and is a mirror of our fascination with power, control and the illusion of technology. It gives us everything we think we want, but with all reflexivity on those wants being reduced to jokey-irony and cute self-reference. I feel comfortable calling this a worse case scenario of movie-going: nothing but explosions and boredom. D

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Saturday, April 28, 2012

A Dangerous Method

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Not bad in the same way a Wikipedia entry on psychoanalysis is not bad. The subject matter itself––sexual repression, its roots and consequences––however, is fascinating and worth a less reductive look. C+/B- 

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Friday Night Lights: Season 3

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Despite being a melodrama with lots of easy fixes, sentimentality, and pop-caricature, despite my critical faculties getting their panties wet in just about every episode, I like this show. Viz. Season 3 was basically a few moments of grit that end up dissolving into easy pleasure. But it's Texas and it's Coach and Missus Coach and that's enough, apparently. B- 

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Thursday, March 29, 2012

Friends With Kids

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It was fresh and raw and vulgar and great and then... here comes the sentimental schlubbery. But no! That was just a set-up for Jon Hamm to get drunk on whiskey and tell us what he really thinks about people who thought of a great idea that wasn't his. And then, just as the idea was genuinely given a chance to, of all things, work... here comes the sentimental schluberry: "She's like my fifth limb" explains the fellow who doesn't find his best friend attractive. "What's wrong with a fith limb?" retorts a now sober and wise Jon Hamm. Apperently that's the secret to falling madly in love and apparently staying there, despite everything the movie suggested in its first three acts. It was on a rocket-ship trajectory for an easy A until it remembered being honest and complicated is much harder than being wishful.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

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Every detail matters. B for the documentary, A- for Jiro and his quest. I'll update this from Tokyo once I've eaten the sushi to confirm the A+ for the fishes themselves. 

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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Young Adult

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Young Adult is about a woman who acts selfishily & without even an eyedropper's worth of compassion and fucks up people's lives, which is what tends to happen when ignorant delusion comes to town. That's it. Though it deserves credit for avoiding mawkishness and nostalgia by making nostaliga the troubled heroine's front-and-center escape mechanism (that is obviously like a life-raft made of popsicle sticks on its way toward Niagra Falls), it goes too far the other way with no opening or possibility for awakening or awareness whatsoever and forces the viewer into a cloistered mode of pity and revulsion. Which is not to say there's no room for shitty characters in art (c.f. any story by David Foster Wallace) but there has to be some air in the room to breathe, whether via insight through a narrator, the other characters, or whether through the structure of the work itself. So this then is my obvious question that I ask non-rhetorically: what was the point? If you're the kind of person that acts like the monstrous heroine, could this film shake you out of your self-deceptions? (Odds are low.) And if you're not, then there's not much else here besides the aforementioned unpleasantness. B- because Charlize Theron's performance is the absolute temperature of ice, which is worth something, no? 

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Friday, March 16, 2012

Descendants

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When in doubt, blame others. If that doesn't work, eat ice cream. And try to remember that entitlement is a ficticious construct at best, but don't try too hard or you'll ruin the sweet melancholy of being human in paradise. C+

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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Cashback

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Turns out this full-length-feature was originally a short-film and was probably much better if we assume all the jejune bits were the ones left out in condensed form. The schizophrenia of its form aside, it was an odd and playful ruminaiton on beauty not as a thing to be had but as a moment to be experienced. I give a tip of the fedora to films that go for it even if they end up with snot all over their face more than I do films that stick to a genre and repeat the circumscribed motions. An odd-duck but a likeable one. C+ as a whole, with lots of B+ parts sprinkled throughout. Also, boobies : ) 

 

 

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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Meek's Cutoff

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Remember the Oregon Trail? Not like this Winter's Bone version, you don't. Turns out there's more pants-peeing terror in watching a wagon roll rather slowly down a hill than there is in watching a bunch of angry Apes make all of San Francisco explode. Plus, if you're curious to see where the Republican party got its start, look no further than ur-Georg-Dubya, in the role of the eponymous Meek who knows things until he doesn't. Only thing wrong with this film was that the last shot––a minute of unflinching beautiful anguish that should have lasted ten. A

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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Memento

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Auden said it best a while back: We would rather be ruined than changed; / We would rather die in our dread / Than climb the cross of the moment / And let our illusions die. A+

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Monday, March 5, 2012

Buck

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Religion, in its purest form, is improvised virtuosity in the face of everything. Buck is a virtuoso with horses, and by extenstion, people; consequently he shows us there's no difference between a horse and God. You don't need words to get there––in fact, its often best not to use them. Instead, "be gentle with everything you do, and firm in how you do it." A

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Friday, March 2, 2012

50/50

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Any movie that is about death has a lot going for it, bravery-wise, since its not the most entertaining of topics. Then again, not every movie has Seth Rogen making jokes about skydiving with hookers, which, come to think of it, sounds like an awesome way of dying (if you're gonna go, go in style). This Bro-Com has its share of sentimental moments but they're balanced by characters who are self-centered, messy, and not particularly fun––Rogen excepted, obviously. Which is good, because making people look glossy in the context of our hardest question would be an egregious no-no. Seth Rogen needs to be in more movies being the moral. B

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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Bill Cunningham New York

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Fashion and socialites and hats: and yet every moment of this documentary gleamed with a joy that is the joy of living life with passion and ease, as does Bill Cunningham. The man is 80 years old and has been whisking around manhattan on his bicylce, morning, day, night, for decades, taking photographs of skirts and shoes and dresses and colors and the people who coincidentally wear them. Like a Zen Master who knows there's no such thing as enlightenment but only enlightening activity, he lives in a closet because "having a kitchen and dining room would be just two more rooms to clean." Instead of telling us that life is beautiful, Bill shows us, laughs, then gets on his bike to take more photos. A stupidly delightful film. A

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All Quiet On the Western Front (1930)

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Leave it to Beaver meets sheer terror, of which some scenes are as awfu and numbing l to watch as anything filmed with much fancier Spielbergian gizmos. Guess that's because war is impossible to either describe or understand either in words or in moving pictures or in any way whatsoever. Yet between scenes of carnage the best reason given for war in the first place is "some mountain in France offended some field in Germany." The film won best picture and then nine years later... 

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Rise of the Planet of the Apes

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The first half was all about how big-brained apes think they're better than slightly-less-big-brained apes. The second half was The West Side Story––lots of Revenge, zero compassion and understanding. A good treatise, I guess, on why apes like us think war is the answer.  B- 

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Friday, February 10, 2012

Drive

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What the fuck is wrong with L.A.? Always this tension between lizard-veined-humanity and a mammalian warmth trying to cross the street without getting run over.

Drive is voilent and rough but in a fetishized way, and, in the end, the violence is besides the point, though I could understand wanting to walk out because of its verging on flagrant gratuitousness. (If you think you want real violence, see Irreversible instead.) Yet it survives its own caricatures because it doesn't blink away the question of manhood. The extra-textual hot-pink lettering and an 80s soundtrack that would simultaneously feel at home in a German nightclub at 4am as it would in Miami, mixed with a smile from The Goz when he's not busy making things bleed reminds us that being a Man is full of all sorts of confused expectations. As an action movie for dudes, it's about a B-, but as a metaphor for living in the metaphor of L.A., it's an A. 

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Friday, February 3, 2012

Friday Night Lights: Season 2

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Season 1 of Friday Night Lights was good television. Realistic. Dramatic. Inspiring. Entertaining. And still "television" because it didn't completely trust its viewership  to be smart enough to understand the more poetic elements, of which there were plenty. Tough being smart and entertaining, both, but season 1 did as good a job as possible, given the network framework. Which is why Season 2's shitting itself was so utterly dissappointing. Like breaking up with Tyra only to get stuck with Tyra's mom, who, to extend the metaphor, spends the entire season shitting herself–– as does every character. Every character began to stutter to announce ambivalence. Drama was replaced, in each and every episode, by melodrama, which is like replacing Prince Hal and Falstaff with the cast of Twilight. Complexity was replaced with easy resolution. Tension was replaced with characters slapping, punching, wrestling and running from and into each other. Sometimes they played football.

If someone walked in on me watching Season 2, I would explain, in unmitigated shame, "This isn't what it looks like." Even though it was exactly what it looked like. Were these like even the same writers that did this to me? So after two seasons of FNL, here's my plea to all television shows: if you're gonna be a crazy-melodramatic bitch, do it on the first date and spare us both from hope and the inevitable. D+

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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hugo

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Hugo is sweet and tender and trite and saccharine; its visual exhuberance is beautiful but its sentimental nostalgia overpowered me, like a young man who's spritzed himself a few too many times with his father's cologne. I, too, want to fear for my life druing a movie if a train is coming off the screen frame and right at me, but in Hugo, it only appears to be doing so––maybe I need to see the 3D version. But, regardless, isn't the art of the greatest magicians that which hides the illusion and avoids the temptation of self-referentiallity viz. you don't need a scene on a Parisian bridge where the characters say, earnestly, "Cinema is Special Place." Don't the great magicians know that any mention of their craft as illusion turns wonder into mechanical know-how, a metaphor made too literal throughout Hugo? Most people who didn't like Scorsese's Shutter Island thought it was too messy and weird; I loved that about it and dove right into the indulgences because suspension of disbelief is a viewer's responsibility. Avoiding explicit lectures about the greatness of movies is likewise the director's, and in Hugo, Scorsese too often mistook his director's chair for a podium. B-

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Friday, January 20, 2012

L'Age D'Or (1930)

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1930 was just about the beginning of the modern era of film, though this one felt more like a silent picture that just happened to have some abstruse and lip-sync-esque dialouge every so often, not that it meant anything whatsoever. But however dated from a technical perspective, its subject matter was much naughtier than whatever came out of Hollywood for decades afterwards. Viz.: Cause and effect are unnecessary. So are the bourgeoisie and their lust for themeselves. Still, I like some things to kinda-sorta maybe not be really fucking weird. B- 

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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tabloid

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Truthiness is Errol Morris's thing and he's great at relegating "truth" to the role of the diminutive. But unless the tabloids tricked me into believing too much of what they captured (viz. the porn shots, the bizzaro outfits) the virgin-whore who was our protagonist was less an ebodiment of the Far Edges of Truthiness than she was of Bat-Shit-Craziness. Which ropes us, the viewers, into the chair of voyeurism, tossing back popcorn while watching the horribly grotesque, sans any bit of compassion whatsover. Which consequently renders this documentary into the very eponymous thing it questions. B-

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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Friday Night Lights: Season 1

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How good can a show be that 1) takes place in the hell-hole of melodrama, i.e. highschool (in small-town Texas, no less 2) relies on football as its extended metaphor for life 3) contorts itself into the 45 minute arc with messy beginnings and clean resolutions and 4) asks its actors to stutter everytime they're conflicted––I'm talking to you, Saracen, Julie, Landry, Riggins, Street, Lyla--hell, everyone not named Mrs. Coach. So how good can a show like that be? Well, Slothrop was hootin' and hollerin' at the season's conclusion, nearly falling off his treadmill and breaking his face. So must be plenty good... somehow. B

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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Seven Chances (1925)

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With women in the role of Hitchcock's The Birds, this film Makes Kanye's "Golddiggers" look polite. And just imagine if we could hear what they were saying! A modern sensibility throughout despite appearances to the contrary. 

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Monday, January 2, 2012

Kundun

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A Christian version of Buddhism––e.g. "Lord Buddha"–– is entirely unappealing. So was the first half and its focus on reincarnation or How to Confuse Coincidence With Miracle. The second half, however, offered an important historical dramatization of China's aggression against Tibet, though given the liberties the film takes with religious interpretation, how's one to know the historical events were portrayed fairly? One of those boring and flawed films that is nonetheless necessary on that never-ending quest of getting edumacated. 

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Sunday, January 1, 2012

Page One

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When Junior, who was born on Jan 1st, 2012, asks him what "newspapers" were, show him this film. Worth watching for David Carr alone, he being the paragon of journalism and truth, seems like. B/B+

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Friends With Benefits

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It would take a sourpuss of dangerously epic proportion to complain about a movie in which Mila Kunis pounces around in her panties for just about the entire duration. B

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Poetry

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A Korean grandmother signs up for poetry classes. You're bored already, aren't you, you judgemental ass. But yet this profound and difficult film is tender and so unapoleticaly harsh in its donkey-like refusal to look away from the tragedies that make up grandma's journey, that it demonstrates, cinematically, why art often must be difficult if it has any hope of being beautiful. This review comes with a serious slap upside  B+/A- 

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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

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The atmospheric concoction of a snowy white mixed with a gothy black makes for a sludgy gray mood that was the strength of the movie. Less heroic was a feminist philosophy that suggests, more or less, that "do unto others as they have done unto you" is the way? B

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Sunday, December 25, 2011

Mission Impossible 4

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Tom Cruise plays a fast processor for an audience clearly comprised entirely of slow processors. But how often do you get to watch porn with the whole family on Christmas? B-

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Illusionist

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If you've ever wondered what Bruce Springsteen's "Downbound Train"––i.e. the saddest song in the world––what it looks like in Cartoon form, wonder no more. A- 

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