Ass-Headed Bottom vs. Frank Sobotka: Game 1

Ass-Headed Bottom: Mondays usually ain't no thang in fantasy baseball--most teams take the day off, and most fantasy owners watch NBA basketball. Not Bottom. Nosir. Contrariwise, I took advantage of an absurdly rainy Sunday all over this land, and stacked my Monday lineup with dudes playing double-headers, including badasses like Chipper Jones, traded to me for a song by some long-vanished Mexican. Here's Mr. Jones taking a professional approach to Pittsburgh's PNC Park, where he would go on to crush the ball and the hopes of Frank Sobotka. Of course, it's not over yet. Some poor, poor pitching on both sides has us both reeling, and somehow Frank managed to smuggle in ten (!) runs, I'm assuming in one of his cans. But at the end of one day, it's 9-7 Ass-Head, and it's looking like ol' Frank will have a tough time keeping up with my first-place donkeys. Hee-Haw.

Note: As for the fantasy German Romanticism League, Ass-Headed Bottom has been obliged to forfeit the remainder of his games to Koko on account of total ignorance and awed silence in the maestro's presence. However, he feels he can accede without too much shame, as the FGRL was only a fantasy fantasy league anyway, and it was cluttering the blog somethin' awful. For all y'all out there who read this blog religiously, and set your movie and tennis standards by it, we apologize for the long digressions about Friedrich Schiller. We've terminated his membership to our blog, so you won't be seeing him again. Before he left he admitted he found Le Samourai "ein hart schlagen."

Slothrop: Notice, lovers of our words, Ass-Head's rhetorical subterfuge, which sprouts through our land like mold on hot dog buns 22 days old. Ass-Head did in fact put in his lineup 5 players who played two games on Monday, knowing that Frank Sobotka did not have the same option available to him. Some real Clay Davis sheeeeeeeiiit, Ass-Head, and you know it. Shows Frank Sobotka just how scared you are-- only way you can win is by fixing the match.(And yes, despite having half the at-bats, Frank won 6 out of the 8 offensive categories on Monday.) Now that your clever ways have run their course, your bush-league karma will catch up to you. Why? Cuz Frank Sobotka's got Big Papi working the docks. Who have you got? Jack Cust? Sheeeeeeeeeeeiiit. Go play with your unicorns, Ass-Head. Frank's got dead prostitutes to take care of.