That's a "nay" for clay

Just a short post to complain about clay court availability in the US. Here in Texas we have fewer than thirty clay courts, all located at exclusive private clubs which not only require membership for access but refuse to grant membership to any prospect without 1. the club's invitation to join and 2. at least three (3) sponsoring members. Six of these filthy-clean, too-good-for-you courts can be found right here in Austin. So, no, Koko won't be playing there. Westwood Country Club is unabashedly anti-gorilla.

Doesn't every American inherit as his birthright the power to buy whatever he wants, including one modest hour on a clay court? Why do they keep me from my beloved high-bouncing surface, and why, Westwood Country Club, do you need six of them? Can you not donate one for public use, if only to appease the seething, Delacroixian underbelly from which you extract your blue blood's sustenance and upon which you spew your ejecta?

Well, nuts to you, American tennis and your stupid synthetic green clay. I found something even greener that will accept my reservation, thank you. I'm gonna play on grass up in Dallas. Then, God willing, it's fiery red Spain, the basking Basque, and stunning red clay like Elysium fields and sic itur ad astra.

Horse, you best practice some pukers. Koko come gunnin' for you.