Best of the Best 2

I'm not really sure what to say about it, except that the tag for the French version, in all its corny grandeur, somehow makes the exploding gas station, extraneous Native American subplot, Damienesque spectacle, and spinning around with long metal poles, well, not better, exactly, but much less unnecessary. I won't say necessary, because, really, when are 6'8 Aryans and bicycles hiding in discarded jet engines necessary? So all in all, what the fuck was I thinking and why is Eric Roberts an actor ("actor"?) whose face I can recognize in less than a second when it takes me at least twice that time to spot his detestable sweetheart sister.

Also, I watched this movie when I was thirteen. That doesn't change anything; it just helps me to remember a time before taste. This evening I plan to send an invitation back through time to Edmund Burke imploring him to skip the next two centuries of social collapse, spit on democracy, watch the 2004 tsunami, because he'd probably love it, and flog me for seeing Phillip Rhee and Mr. Universe (no joke) fight to the death in a fake Roman arena under the streets of Las Vegas. Twice.