Jason and the Argonauts

Don't bother arguing: you know as well as I do that Greek literature is tops, boasting not only a pantheon of lecherous and stoogey gods but the definitive bronze giant attacking sailors on a beach. What have the last two thousand years taught us but Christianity's total lack of imagination? And why does it so clearly suck compared to the pagan challenger? Three reasons:

1. The Bible is filled with stories of parents nearly sacrificing children, while the Greeks insisted that if you make a sacrificial offering, by god you will finish what you started.

2. Jesus is like a benevolent middle-class lawyer lobbying our case, while Zeus and Hera are just hillbillies who happen to live forever.

3. The Bible's appalling lack of fighting skeletons:

How do you expect me to read a book so paranoid that it forbids the eating of shellfish and demands that women stay in a tent while menstruating, but so flagrant that it overlooks swashbuckling bones? (They have shields too, but what do they plan to protect with them?) So what's it gonna be: neurosis, surveillance, and guilt or dead men with swords?

78, because even though the acting, effects, sets, script, and directing feel decidedly amateurish and third rate, it's still Jason and the Argonauts, and you can't really screw that up, so long as you stick to the armed stiffs.