All the President's Men

Ass-Headed Bottom: Only Satan will ever know what Watergate was about (God is too Perfect to care), but the truly remarkable thing about this movie is that it is still good in 2007. Think of all it's got going against it: 1) we all know what happened, that Nixon got busted and America didn't learn its lesson; 2) there is no delight in watching these evil Republican criminals get taken down, since they've only been replaced by eviler Republicans made out of purer teflon; 3) there is no sex at all, not even between Dustin and Robert. So what the hell is good about it? Mostly Dustin's hair and tight-assed pants. Jason Robards is wonderful, Koko will agree, and having Nixon exist only as an occasional TV presence is clever and effective. Deep Throat is cool, but I was never quite sure why he was necessary, either to the movie or to history, and naive as I am, I assumed that someone at some point in this story would be watching the porno-namesake, Deep Throat, and that I'd get to see a little chooch, but no such luck. There's no sex. Maybe in the upcoming sequel: All the Other President's Other Men, starring Vin Diesel, Wesley Snipes, and (thankfully) Jenna Jameson.