Ran

Ass-Headed Bottom: I've watched this three-hour masterpiece eight times in my life. If my math is correct (and it is not), that's a day of Ran. I think I'm ready to admit, actually, that the movie suffers from three basic problems: 1) it is slower than time itself (real Noh must be even slower); 2) it is dorkily misogynistic in a way that King Lear is not; 3) although the castle-storming scene is the greatest battle-scene ever filmed, where DID all of Hidetora's dudes come from, and why are they so slovenlily dressed, when everyone else in the movie wears museum-worthy, primarily-colored armor? But I still think the Great Lord would've made a better president than Reagan (Vote Jeb/Jiro in '12!).

Koko: True, the movie is slow, but fair game, I say, because in the first five minutes the camera repeatedly cuts away from intergenerational politics to film clouds moving, a clear sign that this man likes his minutes filled conspicuously with seconds. And yes, Ran is dorkily misogynistic in a way that King Lear is not, but then again, a quick inventory of their five most popular fetishes shows that the Japanese have transformed humiliation into high art. One guess as to which gender gets peed on. And as for the sudden appearance of ten thousand angry samurai? I don't know, magic, probably.

Maybe they fell out of Lost.

Ass-Headed Bottom: Ah! Indeed. The plane's tail section must have been filled with samurai.