The Man from Earth

Explaining how this movie about a guy who may or may not be a living Caveman isn't stupid would be impractical. Just take my word for it. Most of the movie consists of arguments why such a premise is robustly gay, so even if you dislike the notion of unkillable Cro-Magnons taking up professorships at prestigious colleges, most of the cast is on your side anyway. Not a lot else to say, except that the movie's surprisingly good. Very minimalist. That guy who looks like Wilford Brimley but isn't, you know, Tom Smykowski from Office Space, he's in it. B

Slothrop: Why is minimalist a good thing? More is more and minimalist is not more, it's less; this is especially worrisome if the movie is about cavemen, because cavemen need more of everything to express themselves properly, especially if they're gonna woo prude whoreish-virginal cave-chicks, of which it sounds like there's not that many, so, umm, this movie sounds like it sucks and your credibility as a critic, gorilla, blows even more chunks than this movie, which Slothrop hasn't seen because he's S-M-R-T. But really, a B because it's minimalist? A B is a serious note of praise. You don't just go scrawling Bs all over every bathroom stall, Koko. The Bourne Ultimatum, now that's a B!

Koko: I never said it gets a B because it's minimalist. For all you know, it gets a B because it has the Brimley clone. Also, it's not about cavemen, you fictional being; it's about a caveman. And because he's lived 14,000 years and in that time adopted every civilization as his own, he doesn't need anything. He even studied under the Buddha, if you must know. That is, if he actually is a caveman. Who knows. Now, as for wooing: he's won more hearts with his John Wayne-in-a-cave reticence than you have with your blustering about whores. Take a lesson. And finally, yes, I'm praising this movie, seriously. I repeat: B